|Severa Snape (severa_snape) wrote,|
@ 2012-06-19 13:38:00
|Current music:||I make my own Sunshine|
|Entry tags:||life, personal|
I’m sure most have figured out from my posts that I really don’t have the best of luck. I’ve come to expect it over the years, but I have to say that this year has been the most emotionally trying year that I’ve had thus far.
I should really try and find more positive things to post about, but alas...
About 3 weeks ago I ended up finding out that my mother was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer in what I like to describe as a “cancer bra.” It spreads from under her arms to her breast and will now have to undergo 4 types of chemotherapy, the last 2 will begin to damage her heart, and radiation for 6 months. She will then, if she reacts well to treatment, have surgery and chemotherapy/ radiation for another 6 months. The largest of the lymph nodes is 10 cm wide, so we are hoping to shrink it before surgery.
Overall I’ve been doing all right, but I have had to cancel my Lubricus trip :’-( so I wont be meeting some of you like I planned.
Well, I was doing all right until last week. My doggie hadn’t been feeling well, sneezing and what not, but she has a history of allergies around this time of year. I thought nothing of it until she started not eating, so I called the vet and made an appointment. I made her as comfortable as I could with pillows for her in the living room (fan off), pillows in the bedroom (fan on), gave her pain meds that she takes, a high calorie supplement, smart water, and a pumpkin/ ginger supplement for dogs to mix in with her food to give her a boost of vitamins and sooth her tummy if it hurt. I tried everything to get her to eat and even gave her, her favorite foods. Wednesday morning I ended up taking her to vet then left for work so they could examine her and I could pick her up later. Unfortunately, the vet called me an hour later saying that the only way to keep her alive was to keep her on oxygen 24/7 because she was experience Respiratory failure and her body was just shutting down. It was a devastating blow. It was just too fast and I just felt like I wasn’t giving her a fighting chance even though I knew it was best to let her go. Telling her I'm sorry wasn't enough, Telling her that I love you wasn't either. I think the worst part for me was that I was with her for about 2 hours and she seemed so fine. She sneezed once in a while, but she was comfortable in my arms and happy to see me to take her home. I expected to take her in, they would fix her up and I would pick her up after work and take her home. I held on to her to the point I think I was squishing her, but I just couldn’t let go. It just feels like I lost a daughter and my best friend.
I’m going to miss her assassin ways hacking my computer, her love of the doggies that go Moo, and every little quark about her that made her so special. She had such a big personality for a little pup.